The ossuary of no one in particular

The whole St. Paul’s bones issue has left me wondering. What would it take to convince the Pope Benedict and the Vatican that a number of first century bones were those of Jesus, and that he was not in fact physically resurrected?

If you recall, a few years back, the famous case of the James the brother of Jesus ossuary was debunked as a forgery, and for very good reason.

Now imagine that archaeologists actually find an ossuary and authenticate an inscription that says it contains the bones of Jesus himself. Imagine this inscription is conclusively shown to have been made by first century Gnostics, who believed that Jesus was not resurrected. Surely an authenticated inscription is a level above the two millennia of oral tradition that have been used to argue the case for the St. Paul bones, and just because the Gnostics did not benefit from a friendly Roman Emperor to help them spread and grow like the Catholics did, it does not automatically make their beliefs any less valid. Imagine also that the bones in the ossuary are dated and found to exactly match the time of Jesus’ death with any margin of error being well within the limits (unlike the St. Paul case).

Would this be enough evidence to convince Pope Benedict XVI and Christians in general that Jesus was not bodily resurrected into Heaven like they believe? Will the Pope hang up his pointy hat and announce that the central belief of Christianity – salvation through the resurrection of Jesus – has been disproven?

I guess not! So what kind of scientific evidence and how much of it would it take to convince them that Jesus died and stayed dead?

Comments please!

"The thigh bone connected to the back bone, The back bone connected to the neck bone, The neck bone connected to the head bone, Oh, hear the word of the Lord!"

Suddenly, Pope Benedict XVI seems to be thinking that science is his best friend.

Actually, the Pope has just shown the world that he has no idea how science works. And apparently, he even lacks a grasp of basic logic.

You see, the Pope gleefully announced that some old bones in a sarcophagus have been scientifically tested and shown to be those of St Paul, as the Catholic Church has maintained all along.


As Catholic Online reports:

In his homily, broadcast live on Italian television, the Pope told the faithful that the tomb had been “…subject to a scientific investigation. A small hole was drilled in the sarcophagus, unopened for centuries, and a probe was introduced. It found traces of a valuable purple fabric, in linen and gold layer-laminated, and a blue fabric with linen threads. Red incense grains and substances containing proteins and limestone were also discovered. Small fragments of bone were found and radiocarbon dated by experts who did not know their place of origin. Results indicate that they belong to someone who lived between the 1st and 2nd century A.D. This seems to confirm the unanimous and undisputed tradition according to which these are the mortal remains of the Apostle Paul. All this fills our soul with deep emotion.”

What Pope Benedict XVI is actually saying is, “Hey! Check out these old bones that we think belong to St. Paul. We’ve scientifically shown that they could be enough to be St. Paul’s, so, of course, they must be his.”

Of course, experts are skeptical about this claim.

First of all, the bones were dated to the first or second century CE, meaning any time between 1CE and 200 CE. Given that St. Paul is said to have been beheaded around 65CE, there is a greater chance than not that the person those bones belong to died after St. Paul. Secondly, unless St. Paul was the only person alive at the time, how can we be sure that the bones in the sarcophagus are definitely his?

Wishful thinking. That’s how!

Now, you might even think that it’s only reasonable for poor old Pope Benedict to get carried away and fabricate fact where there is none. After all, he has a vested interest in this ‘discovery’ of St. Paul’s bones.  But the mental acrobatics needed to arrive at such a conclusion are astounding, to say the least.

And since when have the Pope and the Vatican rushed to uphold a scientific claim, anyway?

Pope Benedict XVI does his best Marilyn Monroe skirt impression

Who ever said the Pope’s not a PR wizard and spin doctor rolled into one?

Under fire for his infamous condom remarks, and still reeling from the flak (and a good beating) he got for them from old Uncle JC himself, Pope Benedict XVI’s latest publicity stunt sees him trying to distract us with no less than an impressive attempt at imitating Marilyn Monroe’s most famous billowing skirt pose.

Just take a look – he’s almost got it perfect! Bend those knees in, cock your head to the left, shrug your shoulders a little, oh… and get a good smile going, Mr. Pope, and you’re practically there. We’ll overlook the skinny legs and other obvious differences – I mean Marilyn Monroe’s figure is no easy feat to pull off, especially for a man of your age – but ten points for effort!

And what about that lipstick signature, complete with sexy heart? Is the Pope trying to make us believe that he is embracing free love after all? Hippie Jesus must have given him a good talking to about the true meaning of ‘love thy neighbor’! Or maybe the Pope is just trying to complete his imitation of sex kitten Marilyn Monroe.

Well, you know what? You’re not fooling us old man! And even though you made us laugh, we’re still angry about those irresponsible condom remarks that will be costing more lives than we could ever count.

Anyway, allow me to make a most interesting final observation: only the bottom part of Pope Benedict’s robe is being blown up. Take a look at his sleeves – they are completely unperturbed.

I wonder how he did that. I mean Marilyn Monroe is obviously enjoying the air that is blowing up through the grille she is standing on and lifting her skirt, but there is no grille in the Pope’s photo. Is this evidence of the Holy Spirit at work? Who knows!

Some people say condoms are bad. In fact Pope Benedict XVI has even gone as far as saying that condoms can make the AIDS crisis in Africa worse.

Now the real boss has stepped in to clear up the controversy and has reprimanded the pontiff in no unclear terms. Watch: