The civilized world is still reeling from the sad and shocking contents of the report published this week by the Commission to Inquire into Child Abuse, that was established in 2000 to investigate allegations of abuse at Catholic-run children’s institutions in Ireland.

Meanwhile…

Hidden inside a catholic confessional...

Can you imagine an atheist with a ‘Honk if you love Jesus’ bumper sticker on their car?

No? It makes perfect sense. Really, it does! Take a look at this little gem I found on verbalcartoonist.com.

My friend Steve is an atheist

Now you know why I think I just might get one of those bumper stickers for my car.

Hmm… Maybe!

I have always wondered how can anyone read the Bible and not get a headache from all the errors and contradictions, let alone still believe in Christianity (or Judaism for that matter).

And it’s not just about different books in the Bible contradicting each other. Take a look at the story of Jesus and the Short-Term Memory Loss, for example. You’ll find it in the Gospel according to John, but I’ve put together a quick comic to save you the trouble.

(Read about how I found out about this story below)

Jesus and the Short-Term Memory Loss comic

Stocked up with a little packet of pain-killer tablets, I’ve just started reading biblical scholar Bart D. Ehrman’s latest book called Jesus, Interrupted: Revealing the Hidden Contradictions in the Bible (And Why We Don’t Know About Them).

As you may know, Bart D. Ehrman was a passionate and committed Evangelical Christian who began to lose his faith while studying the original Greek and Hebrew Bible texts at Princeton Teological Seminary.

Anyway, I’m still only on the first chapter, and thoroughly enjoying it. No sign of any headaches yet! I guess that Prof. Ehrman’s easy writing style and the sheer funniness of it all has mitigated the expected negative effects.

You know the ‘don’t press this button’ websites that keep on daring you to press one big red button after another, teasing and insulting you all the while?

That is NOT what this is about. The red button below is abolutely no joke.

Once you press it, there’s no turning back! You have been warned.

Actually, if you’re an atheist, you have nothing to fear from the big red button. Just go ahead and click away.

I guarantee it’s totally harmless. You won’t get rickrolled. You won’t be made to see anything you don’t want to see. Your computer won’t download any malware or catch some nasty virus. Nothing of that at all.

But if you believe in any sort of god or religion, BEWARE! I am warning you:
DON’T UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE EVEN THINK OF PRESSING THAT BUTTON!

I admit it’s awfully tempting, but, as a believer, you should know better than to give in to temptation, right? Just read another post, do something else and try to forget about that big red button. You absolutely don’t want to click it! Seriously. Just trust me on this.

Looks like this guy is sacrificing his weekends to get this WARNING out, so the least you can do is listen up! God’s judgment is coming! Now you know.

(More comments below the image.)

WARNING: God's judgment is coming!

As you can see, the warning is quite clear. Pay attention you:

• sex addicts (Both practising and non-practising ones. God hates you all.)
• baby killers (And sperm wasters too, says God.)
• sports nuts (Whether you live healthy lives working out all the time or just chuck beers in front of NBA, NFL or Super Bowl.)
• racists (Not bigots, mind you. God seems to love those!)
• atheists (Yikes!)
• rebellious women (Rebellious men are exempted.)
• lewd women (Phew! I thought he was going to say lewd men for a minute.)
• f se religions (Looks like God asked him to write ‘false religions’ but some doubting Christian took offence and tried to deface it.)
• money lovers (Ooops! Told you God was a commie.)
• liar (Which one? The one with the sign. DUH!)
• drunkards (So your wife left you, you lost all your money gambling, and you had to drown your sorrows? Not God’s problem.)
• two faced people (No! Not Zaphod Beeblebrox as well!)
• child molesting homosexuals (At least normal homosexuals will be spared.)
• thieves (That includes YOU who are reading this at work and thus robbing your employer.)
• witches (Wizards, warlocks and all male practitioners of the occult, you can breathe a sigh of relief.)
• pencil necked, weak kneed, gutless men (Yes, you who don’t reign in your rebellious and lewd women!)
• pot smoking little devils (Only big devils and angels are allowed to smoke pot.)
• AND MORMONS (Sorry guys! You really had it coming.)

God’s judgment is coming, and you’re going to be the first in line. Repent now, or prepare for an eternity of hellfire and gnashing of teeth.

I’d really love to have a video of this kid preaching out there. Should be funny as hell!

If by any chance you don’t instantly know what the comic below is about, you need to nip off and watch this video of Ray Comfort using a banana as evidence for God’s existence, where he and Kirk Cameron try to come up with a proof of intelligent design. Once you’ve seen the vid, come back here and enjoy this parody.

Having said that, the comic is not meant to depict any person, living or dead, whether evolved from monkeys, created or intelligently designed by a creator god, and any resemblence there may be to any such person is purely coincidental.

A comforting banana proves God and intelligent design

After grossly embarassing himself and Kirk Cameron with the banana proof for God video that brought him as much ridicule as infamy, creationist Ray Comfort later pseudo-aplologised, but went on to make a similar intelligent design argument using a coke can.

Well, now you also know another alternate theory – supported by ample evidence, almost to the point of proof – that says God designed and made bananas not just to be eaten, but also for your comfort and enjoyment!

Clowns for Christ: We are fools for Christ's sake

Who ever said that religion is all about control, oppression and generally making you feel guilty for just being the way you are?

Clowns for Christ seem to have taken it upon themselves to make sure that your conversion to Christianity is as much fun as possible. They claim to be, ‘the oldest full time Gospel, preaching, soul winning clown Ministry, in America.’ You surely don’t mean there are more nutjobs like you on the loose!

With 1 Corinthians 4:10, ‘We are fools for Christ’s sake,’ as their motto, you have to at least admit that they got that bit right.

Still, I’d love to see the faces of their audience when they get to the fire and brimstone part of the show!

Pope Benedict XVI does his best Marilyn Monroe skirt impression

Who ever said the Pope’s not a PR wizard and spin doctor rolled into one?

Under fire for his infamous condom remarks, and still reeling from the flak (and a good beating) he got for them from old Uncle JC himself, Pope Benedict XVI’s latest publicity stunt sees him trying to distract us with no less than an impressive attempt at imitating Marilyn Monroe’s most famous billowing skirt pose.

Just take a look – he’s almost got it perfect! Bend those knees in, cock your head to the left, shrug your shoulders a little, oh… and get a good smile going, Mr. Pope, and you’re practically there. We’ll overlook the skinny legs and other obvious differences – I mean Marilyn Monroe’s figure is no easy feat to pull off, especially for a man of your age – but ten points for effort!

And what about that lipstick signature, complete with sexy heart? Is the Pope trying to make us believe that he is embracing free love after all? Hippie Jesus must have given him a good talking to about the true meaning of ‘love thy neighbor’! Or maybe the Pope is just trying to complete his imitation of sex kitten Marilyn Monroe.

Well, you know what? You’re not fooling us old man! And even though you made us laugh, we’re still angry about those irresponsible condom remarks that will be costing more lives than we could ever count.

Anyway, allow me to make a most interesting final observation: only the bottom part of Pope Benedict’s robe is being blown up. Take a look at his sleeves – they are completely unperturbed.

I wonder how he did that. I mean Marilyn Monroe is obviously enjoying the air that is blowing up through the grille she is standing on and lifting her skirt, but there is no grille in the Pope’s photo. Is this evidence of the Holy Spirit at work? Who knows!

FSM license plates in Florida

If you’re in Florida in the near future, you could very well be seeing Jesus license plates and license plates depicting a cross on cars as they whizz by.

These religious plates are currently up for consideration before the Florida Senate, and it will be no surprise if they do go through in the end. Mind you, the Christian lobby still has some hurdles to overcome, such as the lawsuit that is being threatened by Americans United if the Jesus license plates are approved.

Now, I wonder what will happen if the separation of church and state is brushed aside and the cross and Jesus license plates are indeed accepted. Will we have Flying Spaghetti Monster license plates too?

Actually, that might not be such a bad idea after all. Look at the sample FSM license plate I cooked up in a couple of minutes. Not bad eh? And I’m sure that a professional designer can do much better than I did at depicting the Flying Spaghetti Monster in all his noodly glory.

If you want your crucified blue-gray zombie Jesus license plates, be my guest.  We atheists will claim our right to have the Flying Spaghetti Monster watching over our license plates and catching you with his noodly appendages as you try to tailgate our works of art.

Oh, and did I say I’m booking FSM RMN already?

Russell

Spring is back, the godless flowers are in full bloom once again, and sales of our Atheist T-Shirts are really picking up! So far the top seller award goes to our popular Russell’s Teapot t-shirt.

The uninitiated among you must be wondering who is this Russell, and what is his Teapot doing on an atheist t-shirt – not to mention a best-selling one.

Let me explain.

You see, Russell’s Teapot is not an actual teapot that a guy called Russell used to brew tea in. Rather, it is a hypothetical celestial teapot that British philosopher Bertrand Russell (1872 – 1970) came up with to show how absurd it is to expect that it is up to a skeptic to disprove an untestable religious claim.

The next time anyone tries to bolster their arguments by saying something like, “But you can’t disprove God (or Jesus, Christianity, Islam, or whatever), so you have to respect that idea as a valid one,” just let them know about Russell’s Teapot. Or better still, have a good laugh by pointing to your Russell’s Teapot t-shirt that shows the Celestial Teapot against a starry sky and says:

The Church of the Celestial Teapot invites you to try and prove us wrong

and having them try and disprove your belief in Russell’s Teapot.

The small text on the t-shirt explains further: ‘We believe the infinitesimally small, all-powerful Holy Celestial Teapot created the Universe and orbits the Sun between Earth and Mars.’

The original teapot argument Bertrand Russell put forward in an unpublished 1952 article titled, “Is There a God?” goes like this:

If I were to suggest that between the Earth and Mars there is a china teapot revolving about the sun in an elliptical orbit, nobody would be able to disprove my assertion provided I were careful to add that the teapot is too small to be revealed even by our most powerful telescopes. But if I were to go on to say that, since my assertion cannot be disproved, it is an intolerable presumption on the part of human reason to doubt it, I should rightly be thought to be talking nonsense. If, however, the existence of such a teapot were affirmed in ancient books, taught as the sacred truth every Sunday, and instilled into the minds of children at school, hesitation to believe in its existence would become a mark of eccentricity and entitle the doubter to the attentions of the psychiatrist in an enlightened age or of the Inquisitor in an earlier time.

Since then, Russell’s Teapot has become one of the main symbols of atheism, seeing a surge in popularity when Richard Dawkins referred to it in his 2003 collection of essays, titled A Devil’s Chaplain, saying:

The reason organized religion merits outright hostility is that, unlike belief in Russell’s teapot, religion is powerful, influential, tax-exempt and systematically passed on to children too young to defend themselves. Children are not compelled to spend their formative years memorizing loony books about teapots. Government-subsidized schools don’t exclude children whose parents prefer the wrong shape of teapot. Teapot-believers don’t stone teapot-unbelievers, teapot-apostates, teapot-heretics and teapot-blasphemers to death. Mothers don’t warn their sons off marrying teapot-shiksas whose parents believe in three teapots rather than one. People who put the milk in first don’t kneecap those who put the tea in first.

So now you know. Rush out and order your Russell’s Teapot t-shirt today, and have some healthy fun getting those believers all tied up in knots!

What are you waiting for?