Still puzzled about what the Large Hadron Collider actually is for?

Here it is all explained as a rap song featuring dancing CERN physicists and the voice of Stephen Hawking. I wish my old physics lectures were this much fun back in the days!

It seems like Douglas Adams was wrong after all about the world ending on a Thursday. Wrong by one day if there is any truth in the words of the scaremongers blabbing about the dangers of the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), due to be fired up this coming Wednesday 10^th September.

I Survived the Large Hadron Collider Experiment T-Shirt

The Large Hadron Collider will be used to speed up two proton beams to practically the speed of light, travelling in opposite directions. As these protons are then made to smash into each other, scientists are hoping to recreate conditions very similar to those just the tiniest fraction of a second after the Big Bang. This has lead to speculation and unfounded scaremongering that a resulting rogue black hole or some other phenomenon will be created that will swallow up the Earth and the surrounding solar system.

But even if this baloney were true, nothing so spectacular will happen this Wednesday because it will take a while for the Large Hadron Collider to get the protons going fast enough for scientists to have the smashing time they have been preparing for for the last 20 years.

So, will you survive the Large Hadron Collider experiment?

Well, that depends… you could be unlucky enough to get hit by a car or choke on a chicken bone before it’s all over. But in the meantime, make sure you get hold of your ‘I Survived the Large Hadron Collider Experiment’ t-shirt from our shop at MadSciStuff.com so that just in case you make it, you’ll be all set and ready to have some fun at the expense of the doomsayers who would like to stop Science progress in its tracks.

Money back guarantee

We understand that buying this LHC t-shirt constitutes a risk on your part and promise to refund you the full purchase price of our Large Hadron Collider t-shirt plus postage costs should the LHC malfunction and devour the Earth. In this eventuality we will also pay you $100,000 in compensation for any ridicule or distress you might suffer from wearing the t-shirt.

From the holey book of Jenny’s sis

Chapter 1

1. In the beginning Dog created the Tees. Irreverent Atheist Tees he created them.

2. In various colours and sizes to fit Atheists of all measures they were made, in Male and Female forms, and with different hilarious designs printed on quality branded apparel, so that the Atheists of the World would go naked no longer, nor would they have to wear just any silly old t-shirts.

3. And He saw the Tees were good. Not perfect, for neither was Dog perfect, but still pretty mind-blowingly awesome. And very funny to boot!

4. And Dog put the Atheist Tees up for sale on a website. On the vast Internet He put them, and offered them at very reasonable prices, so that every Atheist who wanted could afford them.

5. Some of the Tees were Atheist by their very nature, and others were about Evolution and other things that Atheists would be interested in anyway.

6. And Dog looked at the Tees again and said, ‘I have so many ideas for more Atheist Tees. Friendly ones, provocative ones, silly ones, intelligent ones…’ And the ideas churned around in His head. Colours and designs swirled and transformed and danced in the vastness.

7. The Tees stood there. They shared a server with countless other websites, including several porn sites (one or two of the midget variety), many websites promoting purveyors of the Devious Arts (also called law and accountancy firms), and innumerable personal homepages packed with pictures of kittens, babies and still-to-be-regretted photos of drunken parties.

8. Then Dog saw that the Tees were alone and unseen, rather devoid of Atheists were they. And He felt pity on the Tees and decided to do something about it.

9. So Dog got a bunch of keystrokes and a good few mouse-clicks and a couple of CSS tutorial websites and parade of little cups of delicious coffee and when they were all mixed together He spat upon them and said, ‘Let there be Blog’.

10. And there was a flash of light. And there was Blog.

11. And Dog looked at His Blog, at the Blog of Dog, and He saw it was good. It was an Atheist Blog, just as He intended in his finite and fallible wisdom.

12. And He commanded the Blog saying, ‘Increase yourself and multiply, and fill up Cyberspace with funny and intriguing posts on Atheism and Religion and Science and everything else that Atheists will find entertaining and enjoyable.’

13. And Dog looked at the Blog. And the Blog looked back. It had no eyes, but still it stared back, doing absolutely nothing at all. Not a stir, not a sound, not a single word was written.

14. So Dog rolled up his sleeves and got to work. As he did so, he chuckled to Himself and said, ‘This is gonna be Fun!’